How to talk to people online without wasting their time or spreading nonsense.
Sending only "hi", "hello", "hey", "sup", "you there?", or "can I ask you something?" and then waiting for a reply before actually saying what you want costs everyone time. The other person has to stop what they're doing, respond, and then wait around for the real message.
Watch what usually happens.
alex2:14 pmhi
sam4:47 pmhey what's up
alex6:12 pmcan I ask you something?
sam8:03 pmsure
alex10:41 pmnvm figured it out
Now the version that respects everyone's time.
alex2:14 pmhey, do you know if the deploy script needs LASTFM_ENV set before running? getting an undefined error on line 12
sam2:16 pmyeah export it first, that's the fix
Common misconception
Sending "hi" first is polite and respectful.
Reality
It forces the other person into a back and forth that could have been one message. Ask your actual question. Include context.
Common bad openers:
- "hi"
- "you there?"
- "can I dm you?"
- "quick question"
- "can I ask you something?"
- "you free?"
See nohello.net for the original version of this idea.
Every year Discord, WhatsApp, and Instagram get flooded with the same fake messages. "Don't accept this friend request or you'll get hacked." "This user can steal your IP." "Discord is shutting down on the 15th." "Forward this to every server or you'll lose your account." None of it is true.
server-mod3:22 pm@everyone URGENT do not accept friend requests from anyone named 'Jonathan Galindo' they can hack your entire pc through discord please forward this to every server you're in
panicked-user3:23 pmomg forwarding now everyone needs to see this
The calmer version.
someone-who-checked3:30 pmhey that message going around isn't real. adding someone on discord can't 'hack' you. if you're worried, don't accept unknown friend requests, but no need to spam this everywhere.
Red flag
If a message tells you to copy and paste it everywhere, that alone is enough reason to not do it. Real security warnings come from platform accounts or verified news, not from chain letters.
People love to threaten "I have your IP" as if that reveals your bedroom. It doesn't. Public IP geolocation databases (MaxMind, IP2Location, and similar) usually reveal:
- Country
- State or region
- City (often only the nearest large city)
- Your internet service provider
They do not reveal:
- Your street address
- Your apartment number
- Which bedroom you're in
- Exact GPS coordinates
- Your name
tough-guy9:01 pmI have your ip I know where you live
tough-guy9:01 pmHouston, Texas
victim9:02 pmso you know the same info as the weather app on my phone, cool
Reality
Only your ISP knows which subscriber a given IP belongs to at a given time, and they hand that over only in response to a valid legal process. A random Discord user cannot get it.
Doxxing means publishing someone's private information: real name, home address, phone number, workplace, family members, all tied together. Announcing that someone's IP resolves to Houston, Texas, on Comcast is not doxxing. It's the same info any website with an analytics dashboard already sees about every visitor.
edgy-teen11:14 pmBro I know where you live
edgy-teen11:14 pmcity: Houston. state: Texas. isp: Comcast.
target11:15 pmyou know the city that has 2.3 million people in it. congratulations.
Three categories
Public info: IP city, ISP, browser user agent, what you posted on your public profile.
Private info: real name, address, phone, email that you haven't chosen to make public.
Actual doxxing: collecting the private info without consent and publishing it, usually to enable harassment.
This isn't discouraging you from asking questions. Asking questions is how you learn. But if you spend one minute searching first, you'll ask a much better question, and you'll usually get a much better answer.
Bad:
learner1:12 pmhow do i code
Better:
learner1:12 pmi've been going through the python tutorial on python.org and i'm stuck on how list comprehensions work. does [x*2 for x in nums] actually loop, or is it something faster under the hood?
You'll get help from more experienced people if you show you tried the obvious things first.
Being wrong is not a failure. Refusing to update when you find out you were wrong is.
you4:01 pmpython is faster than c++
someone-nice4:02 pmnot usually. c++ compiles to machine code and python runs on an interpreter. python is often 10 to 100 times slower for cpu-bound work. python does have great libraries though.
you4:03 pmoh i was thinking about how fast you can write code in it. thanks, that makes sense.
Reality
Admitting you were wrong ends the argument, corrects the misinformation, and makes you look mature. Doubling down does the opposite.
Ten seconds of thought before pressing enter prevents most arguments, drama, and misinformation. Read the message once more. Ask yourself: is this true, is this helpful, would I say it out loud to this person's face?
Closing card
Be respectful.
Ask good questions.
Verify information before sharing it.
Think before you post.
Screenshots, TikToks, reposts, and random Discord messages are not automatically reliable. Anyone can fabricate any of them in less than a minute. Before you repost something as fact, spend thirty seconds trying to find the original source.
Some questions to ask:
- Where did this originally come from?
- Is there a primary source, or just people reposting each other?
- Does the timestamp actually match the claim?
- Would a mainstream news outlet be reporting this if it were real?
People have different religions, philosophies, cultures, politics, and personal beliefs. You are going to meet a lot of people online who don't share yours. That is fine.
Don't:
- Send chain messages meant to convert or guilt trip people.
- Insult people for their beliefs.
- Assume everyone from a group thinks the same thing.
Do:
- Have real discussions if both people are up for it.
- Disagree without insulting.
- Recognize when a topic is off limits for a specific space.
Every platform constantly has fake rumors going around. "Discord is shutting down." "Instagram is deleting inactive accounts." "Snapchat is going paid." "There's a mass hacker attack tonight at midnight." Almost none of these are real.
Before pinging @everyone or reposting to your story:
- Check the platform's official blog or verified social account.
- Search a news outlet like The Verge, Ars Technica, or BBC.
- If nobody credible is reporting it, it's probably fake.
Anyone can fake a screenshot with browser dev tools in under a minute. Anyone can post a TikTok saying anything. Random Discord messages are not journalism.
friend7:30 pmlook at this screenshot, [famous person] said something crazy
you7:31 pmgot a link to the actual post? screenshots are trivial to fake
If the only evidence is a picture with no link to the original source, treat it as unverified.
Some people argue to learn. Some people argue to win. Winning an argument does not make you correct. Being correct makes you correct.
If someone shows you evidence that you were wrong, the goal is to update, not to keep looking for a comeback. Being open to being wrong is a strength, not a weakness.